Wednesday, June 12, 2013

How To Not Go Into Labor

Let me be the first to tell you that the other side of a baby's due date is not a particularly magical place to be if you're still pregnant. Which I am. On this side there is lots of anxiety and impatience (Omg, was that a contraction? Does that mean I'm in labor? I wonder if this will help me go into labor?), self doubt and fear (Why am I not in labor yet? Will this put me into labor? Can I handle another day of being pregnant?), and a good helping of rage (Baby, why haven't you come out yet? Why does this suck so much? WHY DO YOU HATE ME, BABY?!). It's not super fun.

So I'm trying to find a silver lining. I mean, realistically this whole "over-due" thing could go on until the 24th (at which point they will be forced to induce) so I should probably find some way to cope with all of the many feels. 

So silver lining number one: Baby Llama continues to be healthy and happy and cozy as a little clam. I'm a good mom right now and she never cries... probably because she doesn't breathe oxygen yet and can't make noise, but that's not the point. 

Lining number two: This gives me time to play The Sims, which I haven't done in months and which I'm actually thoroughly enjoying. But let me tell you, if my Sim has a baby before I do, there will be blood. 

Lining numero tres: I've discovered four sure fire ways to not induce labor. Would you like to hear them? Of course you would. Now some of these things might sound familiar to you. They sounded familiar to me when the midwife suggested them and I'd heard they were the only "old wives tales" that actually had a shot in heck of working. So I was like, "Yeah, cool. I'll do all of these things and the baby will just slip out the next day. Awesome. Maybe she'll even show up a few days before the tenth." NO. 

Let me be the first person, and if I'm not the first let me add my voice to the chorus of overly pregnant women before me, to tell you that the following things do not put you into labor. 

1. Sex. It's fun, but it's not going to put you into labor. Been there, done that, not working. At this point I'd rather just not expend the effort because it's doing nothing

2. Evening primrose oil. I take this stuff orally because I don't really want to think about the other option. Basically it's supposed to have a ton of prostaglandins in it which will ripen the cervix and maybe make you go into labor. Nope. The only contractions I get these days usually mean I have to poo, so I think the oil is a fail. 

3. Bouncing on a birthing ball. I was on mine ALL DAY yesterday. Today I am still pregnant. So no. 

4. And finally, walking. Maybe my walks are broken, but I've been going regularly for weeks now and all it results in is sore legs and a pain in my back. 

At this point, I think I'm just going to throw my hands in the air, stop doing things, and eat Cheetos in bed while I wait for this party to get started. 

And because I'm not feeling up to having my picture taken today (just visualize a house with my face on it and you'll be spot on), you get a picture of my dog looking dead yesterday instead. I'm seriously considering imitating him today and calling the whole day a win. 

^^^No really, he likes to sleep this way. 

Are there any things that actually work to put you into labor? Is today the day? Isn't my dog cute?


  1. I was three days overdue with Aubrey and shopping put me into labor. I went for a little cruise around the mall, bought her a cute dress, and pop! There went my water in AZ mills mall. Did I mention I was alone? That was the best part. Hang in there, I know how you feel!

  2. P.s. This is Courtney Moyle :) In case you thought some strange person you didn't know was commenting.

    1. haha, I figured it out when you said Aubrey. And then I was all, "Aubrey, be excited!" in my head, and it made me smile. And I'm making Leighton take me to Costco tonight, and then maybe a mall. ;)

  3. And then,- there is the spirit of patients!!!! Love you and hang in there. God is with you and all is well.