Monday, June 10, 2013

Operation "Let's Get This Baby Out" Is In Full Effect

Today is my due-date. I'm 40 weeks pregnant, which means the baby should be making her grand entrance any second now. Unfortunately, I feel pretty much exactly the same as I did at 39 weeks pregnant. And 38 weeks pregnant. And 37 weeks pregnant. And even 36 weeks pregnant. The term is uncomfortable. And yet still unchanged. There aren't any timeable contractions. I haven't felt the baby drop noticeably. There has been no sign of a mucous plug or bloody show (lovely terms, right?). All I get are the occasional braxton hicks contractions and sharp pains in my cervix when I have the nerve to walk with too much bounce in my step. 

I'm hoping all of this means I'll go into labor suddenly and progress quickly and easily from feeling pretty okay to having a brand new little Llama to cuddle. What are the chances of that happening? I'm going to pretend they are pretty good. 

Now because I know you're all super interested, here are a few stats about me at 40 weeks pregnant. 

1. I am always, always hungry. 

2. I've gained 38 pounds, which is probably more than I should have, but I regret nothing because every pastry and ounce of ice-cream was well worth the extra flab I'll have to work off. There's just something about sugar that makes everything seem better when your hips feel like they're about to explode and you can't stand without wheezing. 

3. My ta-tas have grown two cup sizes (probably more but I refuse to buy more bras until after the baby is born) and now look bigger than my head from certain angles. 

4. The baby doesn't move as much any more, but this is perfectly normal because she's pretty much trapped in the equivalent of a glass case of emotion in there. When she does move it's not so much kicks as it is hiccups (twice a day, folks) and rolls and moving her arms to try and get comfy. Andplusalso, when I press down on one side of my stomach I can feel her under my hand and also can feel her being pushed against the opposite side. It's super strange. 

5. I've spent more time on my bouncy ball than is probably healthy. 

6. My water just broke. 

7. Just kidding about number six. 

Now here's what I look like with a fully cooked but apparently shy baby in my uterus. 

Now really, when am I going to go into labor? What do you mean you don't know?! Do you know how uncomfortable I am!!? GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!!

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